I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
