She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
