whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
