look no pants
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
