He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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