well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
