Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
