Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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