they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
