just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
