theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize