I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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