so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
