Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
