I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
