I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
