Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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