Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
