seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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