So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We are two peas in an std pod
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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