It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
