Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
