when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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