SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
