Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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