When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
