I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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