a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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