if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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