I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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