I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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