just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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