he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
