I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
