My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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