whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize