Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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