He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Houston, we have a squirter
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
