Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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