no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
