I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
