She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
