he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
