I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
