why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
