sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
