I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
