They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
