My first STD was from a foam party
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
im holly from the hills drunk
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
True college students do jello shots in the library
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
