In the future we'll all be gay
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
