Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
