Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
