Need sex. Gaining weight.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
