Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
