I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
the day after is always just damage control
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
