he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
