Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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