why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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