I molested 6 butterflies tonight
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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