you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
