Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize