That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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