hotel room ftw
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize