once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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