In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
