kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
