I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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