So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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